The Cycle
by DishonoredInk
Summary: Olivia & Nick share a passion filled night. Olivia ends up pregnant. This is a story about their bumps in the road through those 9 months. BENSARO pairing.
1. Prologue

**Summary: Olivia's unexpected pregnancy, with Nick.  
**

**Author's Note:**

**This starts from True Belivers, but it takes a huge AU turn. I'm not going to do like every week of pregnancy, but I'll do like every few weeks.**

**Pairing is obviously Bensaro. Just a little warning, I have never been pregnant, so I'm learning everything through research, sorry if I get a few details wrong. Oh and each chapter is going to go through a different week of Olivia's pregnancy, but no worries, I'll always put the week at the beginning. **

**Side note: Who else is pumped for season 15?**

**Title: The Cycle.**

* * *

**_Prologue:_**

**_Conception:  
_**

"Hey, Olivia, it's Nick."

Olivia quickly dropped the bowl she was holding into the sink and dried her hands on the nearest dish towel, making her way to the front door.

"Hey," she greeted as she swung the door open. Nick was standing in front of her, and he looked like he'd had a long day.

"Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, I'm-I'm not-" Nick said, gesturing to the inside of her apartment. Olivia quickly shook her head.

"No, no, not at all, come in?" she stepped aside and opened the door wider, gesturing for him to enter.

"Thank you," Nick murmured, stepping into her apartment. Olivia shut the door and latched the lock, moving back into her kitchen space.

"This is a nice spot," Nick said, taking a look around her living room. Olivia smiled modestly and stirred her food. "Yeah, thank you."

"So, what's up, are you okay?" Olivia asked, looking up at her partner.

"I actually had something I wanted to uh- ask you about." He stood there awkwardly, looking around her house. Olivia sighed and reached up into her top cabinet, grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses.

"Wanna join me for dinner?" Olivia asked, holding up the red wine. Nick gave her that adorable little smile and nodded his head.

"Sounds good."

**~xoxoxoxoxo~xoxoxoxo~xoxoxoxo~**

"Usually I don't do wine, but this is really nice," Nick said, pointing to his glass.

"It should be, costs enough," Olivia snorted. Nick grinned at her from where he was sitting on the couch.

"How much?" Nick asked curiously, leaning back on Olivia's sofa.

"I think 100-200 a bottle, It's been up there for a long time," Olivia said, moving out of her kitchen to join Nick on her couch. She sat down slowly, curling her legs under her.

"200! You paid 200 for a bottle of wine, Liv?"

Olivia took a sip from her glass, groaning at the delicious flavor that coated her tongue.

"No, I was working a case a while back, and we were investigating a wine company called Luscious Grape," Olivia said, shaking her head. That case had been a tough one, especially with the CEO's death.

"I think I heard about that, didn't the company fall?" Nick asked, taking a gulp from his own glass.

"Yeah, anyway, so the company tried to bribe us with really expensive wine. It didn't work, but we got some free liquor out of the deal," Olivia finished.

"Was the company guilty?" Nick asked.

"More or less," Olivia said quickly, not wanting to dwell. She moved her fingertip over the rip of her glass, a loud sigh escaping her.

"I'm sorry for barging in on you," Nick said, looking down at the dark liquid in his glass. Olivia set her drink on the coffee table and leaned over, placing her hand on Nick's arm.

"It's fine, honestly, Nick," Olivia said, smiling at him. Nick nodded his head and turned to face her, a small smile on his lips.

"So, I think you came here for a reason?" Olivia asked, scooting closer.

"Yeah, I wanted to ask about Cutler, do you think we have a chance with this case, Liv?"

Olivia sighed and shrugged her shoulders in defeat. "I honestly don't know, Nick. I thought we did, but things just keep popping up, and I just don't know anymore."

Nick shook his head and a deep frown took over his features. "How do you do this, Liv? Handle these perverts walking away from their crimes?"

"When the monsters who do these things get a break, you do everything you can to ensure that the victim gets the help and support they need, Nick," Olivia whispered. His dark orbs met hers, and she couldn't force herself to look away. Olivia could've swore that Nick was moving closer, his head tilting downwards towards hers.

Olivia didn't know what to do. She knew she should scoot back over to her side of the sofa, but she couldn't make herself move. Instead her hand ran down his strong arm, her fingertips tracing down his shirt sleeve.

Olivia couldn't breathe. What was he doing? Nick's hand suddenly came up and he cupped her neck, stroking his thumb over her cheek. She faintly noticed that he had set his wine down, and then his other hand was on the other side of her face. Nick cupped her face and ever so slowly brought his lips closer to hers, his breath ghosting over her mouth.

"I need this, Olivia," Nick whispered against her lips.

Olivia shivered and nodded, leaning forward to meet him. Her lips brushed against his, and Olivia let out a breathy moan. Then Nick's lips were pressed hard against hers, his tongue poking at her bottom lip. Olivia quickly opened her mouth for him, allowing him access. His tongue slipped into her mouth, softly dueling with hers. Nick tasted incredible, she could taste the wine, but there was something that was pure Nick in the mix.

Olivia softly sucked on his tongue, her hands coming up to grip his biceps. Nick pulled her closer, his thumbs still stroking her face. His lips moved from hers and trailed over her cheek, her jaw, and then finally her neck. Olivia let out a loud moan as he began licking and nibbling the skin on her neck.

Wait- what were they doing? He was her partner, they couldn't do this. "Nick," Olivia started, "We can't."

Nick nodded his head but kept up his sucking, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her into his body. Olivia was about to protest again when Nick carefully started lowering her down onto the couch cushions.

"Nick," Olivia said, groaning as her back landed on the soft pillows of her sofa. Nick crawled on top of her, pushing her thighs apart with one of his legs. Nick's lips went back to her neck, and then he started pushing his thigh up against her core.

"Oh," Olivia let out a surprised gasp, fighting the urge to grind down on Nick's leg. Unfortunately, Nick was doing enough grinding all by himself. His leg connected with her again, and Olivia arched up.

"We can't, oh, Nick," Olivia moaned as he rubbed up against her. She was throbbing, Nick was making her so damn wet.

Nick's mouth came back down on hers, and Olivia reached up and grabbed his head, trying to pull him away. His hard dick pressed against her hip, and suddenly she froze. Nick was _so_ hard.

Nick groaned into her mouth, and pulled at her sweater. "Off," he growled into her mouth.

Olivia helped him pull the sweater off her arms, and watched as he threw it on the floor. Nick's hand came up and began moving under her shirt, his fingertips tracing over her stomach.

His warm hand trailed higher up her body, and then he was cupping her breast. He rubbed his thumb over her lace covered nipple, and Olivia lost it.

She looked into Nick's now black orbs, and buried her fingers in his thick hair. Olivia tugged Nick back down on top of her.


	2. Chapter 1

**_Chapter 1:_**

**_6 Weeks Pregnant:_**

Olivia felt horrible. She was situated on the cold tile floor of her bathroom, hunched over the toilet, and she was throwing up the breakfast that she'd just eaten. After a few more excruciating moments she was finally able to stop her vomiting. She scooted away from the toilet and leaned back against the cool wall. Almost everyone at the precinct was coming down with something. It was October, so Flu season was just starting. She probably just had the flu, it would pass.

She lifted herself slowly off the floor, flushing the toilet and grabbing her toothbrush. She was already twenty minutes late for work, she wouldn't let a little cold keep her from going to work.

Olivia loved her job but she was dreading having to work with Nick, she couldn't even look in his direction without remembering _that_ night.

She'd made love with Nick not just once, oh no, they had several passion filled rounds. They'd started in her living room, Nick had rolled them off of the couch and slipped inside her for the first time right there on the living room floor, then he'd tried to move them into the bedroom- but they hadn't quite made it. Nick had fucked her brains out against the wall in the middle of the hallway. Finally they managed to get into her bedroom, and to her bed. They spent the rest of the night making passionate love. Nick had given her so many orgasms, she had ruined her sheets.

She knew that she should've stopped it, should've said no, but Olivia had lost all of her control as soon as Nick had slipped between her legs. It was embarrassing.

Every time she looked at him she remembered the feeling of his weight on top of her, the feel of his hands running over her body- caressing her everywhere, his lips kissing her all over, his arms holding her tightly as she trembled through orgasm after orgasm. She couldn't talk to him without thinking about how she'd begged him to give it to her, how she had screamed his name as he thrust into her, how she'd moaned for him.

_"Nick, God, yes!" _

Things had been awkward for the past few weeks. Nick kept trying to approach her, get her to talk to him, but Olivia just couldn't. She'd had amazing sex with her partner, and she wanted so much more. If she talked to Nick about anything other than work, she would snap. Olivia had been attracted to him before, but now it was like she couldn't stay away from him. Sex had only drawn her closer to him.

Olivia spit out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth. She really needed to get to work.

**~xoxoxoxoxoxo~xoxoxoxoxo~xoxoxoxoxoxo~**

Olivia sipped her coffee, loosing herself in the information that was pulled up on her computer. She'd only been there for a few hours, but so far it had been a slow day. She sighed and set her cup down, pulling out her phone. This was one day when she actually wanted a case to come in, Nick was sitting across from her, and he hadn't looked away from her once. Nick was a good partner, and Olivia didn't want to ruin a perfectly good partnership because they had made a mistake, so she ignored his staring. Olivia was going to try her best and forget about the night they had shared, she would force herself to move on.

Nick was still technically married to Maria, and getting involved with her partner was never a good idea. Olivia closed her eyes for a second and rubbed her stomach, she'd been nauseous all day.

"Don't worry, I brought lunch," Munch announced as he walked in the squad room, he was carrying a large plastic bag filled with sandwiches from the little cart downstairs. Olivia began to feel queasy just thinking about food.

Munch dropped sandwiches on Amanda, Fin, and Nick's desks, and then he made his way over to her. As soon as he stepped close to her, Olivia's stomach lurched. He dropped a sub on her desk and moved away. Her senses were on overload. The smells from the food wafted towards her, overwhelming her, she gagged violently.

"Liv?" Nick jumped up out of his chair, and moved over to her. "You okay?"

"What's in those?" Olivia questioned, hunching over, taking deep breaths. Nick's hand was on her back, rubbing in soothing little patterns.

"It's what you always get, Liv. BLT with Ham," Munch said quickly, stepping closer and moving the sandwich off her desk.

Olivia nodded her head and covered her face with her hand, standing back upright. The smell was only getting stronger, and she couldn't handle it. Olivia gagged again, and rushed out of the squad room, heading to the ladies bathroom. She could hear Nick's footsteps behind her. She barley managed to make it into the restroom.

She fell into the closest stall and threw up into the toilet. Olivia could hear Nick cursing from outside the door. She really hoped he didn't come in, this was embarrassing enough.

The cursing stopped and Olivia sighed in relief. She threw up again, groaning at the painful sensation. The ladies room door opened, and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Liv? Amaro sent me in, are you okay?" Amanda asked from outside the stall door, her tone sympathetic.

"I'm-" Olivia was going to say fine, but another wave of sickness crashed over her. She threw up again. She didn't know how she was puking this much, she'd already thrown up breakfast, her stomach was empty.

"I'm fine," Olivia finally got out, and then she was swept up with a series of dry heaves. Olivia moaned at the horrible burning in her throat, but kept her head in position over the toilet.

"Are you sure you don't want medical help, Liv?" Amanda called.

"No, I'll be out in a minute," Olivia said quickly, hoping Amanda would leave. She gripped the toilet as her throat constricted again.

"Okay, if you're not out in ten minutes, Amaro's going to bust in," Amanda said. Then the door opened and closed, and Olivia was finally left alone. She appreciated Nick's concern, but it wasn't the best thing for her co-workers to hear her vomiting. That was beyond humiliating.

Finally she was done. Olivia flushed the toilet, and quickly stood from the bathroom floor. This floor was probably filthy, and she didn't want to rest there for too long. She stepped out of the stall, and over to the sinks. She washed her hands and rinsed her mouth out, trying to get rid of that awful taste. She popped a piece of gum in and fixed her lipstick. Smoothing down her clothes, she took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door.

Nick was standing right there, waiting for her to come out. "Nick?" Olivia questioned, stepping out of the bathroom.

His eyes snapped towards her, and he stepped into her personal space. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Nick. I'm just a little sick," Olivia snapped, moving to step away from him. She couldn't handle his proximity right now, and he smelled so damn good.

"Liv, I'm sorry, I was just worried," Nick said, grabbing her arm gently.

"I'm your partner, Nick. You don't need to be worried about me," Olivia said, taking her arm back.

"I think we both know that you're a lot more than that," Nick said. Olivia froze. What did he mean by that?

"Liv," Nick began. Olivia couldn't let him finish, she couldn't have this talk.

"No. We have work to do," Olivia murmured, walking away.


	3. Chapter 2

_**The Cycle: Chapter 2.**_

**Eight Weeks Pregnant:**

Olivia squeezed the small stick in her hands tightly and tried to hold herself together. She looked at the now bent pregnancy test, and glared down at the pink positive sign that seemed to be mocking her.

Olivia couldn't say she was completely shocked. She'd been getting sick frequently, was nauseous, tired all the time, her breasts were sore, and she'd also missed her period. She was a sex crimes detective, she knew the symptoms of pregnancy better than anyone.

Olivia felt like she was going to throw up.

She couldn't figure out what she had done to deserve this. She'd dedicated her life to helping people get justice, and she got this in return. She'd made one huge mistake by sleeping with Nick and she was certainly going to pay for it.

Olivia threw the pregnancy test to her bathroom floor and sat down on the edge of the sink, putting her face in her hands. Letting Nick, a married man, into her bed, had not been her only screw up. They had both forgotten about protection.

Olivia knew better, she knew to always use protection, and until now she always had. Nick had been the only man to ever enter her without a condom on.

_What is wrong with_ you, Olivia thought to herself. _How could you be so damn stupid?_

All she wanted was a glass of wine, of course she couldn't drink, because she was pregnant.

Olivia had always wanted to be a mother, had always wanted a family she could call her own, but when she had imagined this day, she never thought it would be like this. Maybe she had been naive in wanting a husband, a home, before she had a baby. She certainly hadn't gotten her dream, she was pregnant with her married partners baby, a married partner who was already over burdened with two kids of his own.

Even though this wasn't the most ideal situation, Olivia already knew that abortion was out of the question. Olivia had always believed that a woman's body was her choice, and Olivia had made hers. She was going to keep this baby, she couldn't kill the child that she had wished and prayed for, and she would never allow her baby to enter the system. She had personally seen what happened to some of the kids that went into the Foster system.

That was it. She was going to go through with the pregnancy, and she was going to keep the baby. She was going to raise this child.

Olivia leaned her head back against the wall and tightly squeezed her eyes closed, hoping this was just a dream and she would wake up any minute now.

* * *

Olivia threw her phone onto her desk, an annoyed scowl on her face.

_No New Calls._

She had left messages with a highly recommended doctor, and had been anxiously waiting for the call to confirm her appointment. Since she was going to have this baby, she wanted it to come into the world healthy.

She was supposed to get a call back within ten minutes, but an hour had passed. Olivia ran her fingers through her wavy brown hair, trying to keep her emotions in check.

The squad room doors opened, and Olivia jerked her head to the side watching as Nick strode into the room. He was carrying two coffees in his hands. Olivia surprised herself when she managed to give him a tiny smile as he placed a cup on her desk.

Olivia picked up the coffee cup and took a sip, groaning as the hot liquid ran down her throat. She glanced in Nick's general direction, focusing her eyes behind his head.

"Thanks for the coffee," Olivia spoke, nodding her head in appreciation and then turning away quickly.

"You're welcome, Liv," Nick responded. Olivia could feel his eyes watching her.

"How long have you been here?" Nick asked, shrugging out of his coat.

"Not long," Olivia responded. "About an hour."

Her phone rang and Olivia looked down at the device, groaning as she saw the number pop up on the screen. It was the doctors office. She didn't want to answer it in front of Nick, but she wanted this appointment desperately.

"Benson," Olivia answered in her usual fashion, trying to mask the nervousness in her voice.

"Hello, this is Dr. Prince's assistant calling. May I speak to Olivia Benson?"

Olivia groaned at the woman's voice, it was entirely too perky and happy for this early in the morning. She was picturing the assistant to be a young blonde, sitting behind a large desk, and wearing scrubs that had cute little pictures of puppy dogs printed all over them.

"This is she," Olivia spoke. She heard Nick tapping his pen on his desk across from her.

"You called about setting up an appointment?"

"Yes, It would be my first one," Olivia explained, trying to keep her words as vague as possible.

"Congratulations then," the woman exclaimed.

Olivia fought the urge to roll her eyes, she wanted to take that damn congratulations and stomp all over it.

"Thanks," she mumbled, leaning even further back in her chair. Her eyes closed and she tipped her head back as she listened to the woman.

"Would you like an earlier appointment, or something in the afternoon?" the assistant asked.

"Morning would be best," Olivia spoke loudly, trying to keep herself awake.

"We have an opening tomorrow at 9 AM. Would that work for you?"

"That's great," Olivia sighed.

"I just need some information so I can put you in our filing system. Can I have your first and last name, your age, birth date, and I need to know if you have insurance. You can fill out the rest when you come in tomorrow," the woman said, her voice getting even higher in pitch.

"Olivia Benson, I'm 44, I was born on December 13th, 1967, and I do currently have a long term insurance policy in place," Olivia spoke quickly, trying not to look over at Nick as she gave her answers.

"Okay, that's really all I needed to set up your appointment."

"Thank you," Olivia sighed, disconnecting the call.

"Do we have something?" Nick asked from across from her, his eyes looking her up and down. Olivia shook her head.

"No, that was personal," she murmured, rubbing a hand across her stomach as she spoke.

* * *

Olivia let out a small sigh as she filled out the paperwork on her desk.

Her hand was starting to cramp from all the forms she had completed today, but she was really trying to make sure all the paperwork she'd been putting off was finished before she even thought about maternity leave.

Olivia rolled her shoulders, and stretched out her aching fingers.

"Liv, I want to nominate you for an award," Fin spoke loudly from where he was sitting.

Olivia looked up and gave him a confused look, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

"I don't think I've ever seen somebody go at paperwork harder than you," Fin continued, a grin spreading over his face.

Olivia rolled her eyes playfully, giving him a smile to let him know that she had appreciated his attempt at humor.

With everything going on in her life right now, Olivia could really use a few more of Fin's little jokes. She hardly found reasons to smile anymore. Olivia didn't know how she felt about that, when she had imagined her pregnancy, she had always envisioned herself joyful, smiling, laughing.

Olivia picked up her pen again and moved on to the next page of paperwork, ready to dive back in headfirst.

The door to the squad room opened with a loud bang that caused Olivia to jump.

Amanda walked in the squad room with an empty container in her hand, an amused expression on her face.

"Okay, where are my doughnuts?" Amanda questioned. "I put them in the fridge, who took em?"

Olivia's eyes widened at the mention of doughnuts.

"I may have taken a few," Fin confessed, his eyes glued to the floor. Amanda punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"There were only two there, Fin," Amanda said, faking her annoyance. "You owe me breakfast now."

Olivia had stopped listening to their conversation, her brain now stuck on the idea of doughnuts. All she could think about were those perfect little circles of fried dough, the sweet glaze of icing that would be spread deliciously on top.

Nick's phone rang on his desk, but she hardly noticed. She was trying to think of ways to get herself to the nearest bakery in under five minutes. She felt like she couldn't wait any longer than that.

She heard Nick call her name, and she looked up at him, swallowing nervously.

She had been ignoring Nick's presence since she arrived. In the short life of their partnership, she had formed a connection with Nick. She had quickly become adept at reading his body language, she could tell what he was thinking just by looking into those dark eyes of his, and she wouldn't be surprised if he could do the same with her.

She was putting so much effort in keeping her cool around him, but it was an impossibly hard task.

"Yeah?" she responded, trying to keep her voice calm.

"We've got something. A woman stumbled in the E.R an hour ago, and she's intoxicated. It's probably a false alarm, but we should still head over," Nick spoke, shrugging his coat up over his muscular shoulders.

"Okay," Olivia nodded, standing up and grabbing her jacket off the back of her chair.

She didn't wait for Nick to get his keys. She shot out into the precinct hallway, and practically jogged towards the elevators.

* * *

Olivia's eyes lit up as she looked in the display case, her mouth watering at the delicious variety of pastries presented.

She had her eye on a particularly well glazed set of doughnuts. They were covered in a layer of thick dark chocolate and had a few colorful sprinkles on top.

Olivia looked at the elderly man behind the counter, and pointed to her choice. "I'd like four of those, please."

"Good choice," he nodded and moved behind the glass, getting her doughnuts and wrapping them up for her. Olivia tapped her foot in anticipation as the man put her order into the register.

He named his price and Olivia handed over her credit card, trying to be patient as he swiped it. He handed the card back, and then gave her a small pretty blue box.

"Enjoy," he smiled.

"Thank you," Olivia called over her shoulder as she headed for the bakery's exit.

She'd told Nick that she had an emergency stop to make, and had left him in the car while she ran in. She'd only been in the store for about ten minutes, but she was sure Nick was wondering where she was.

Olivia quickly walked down the bakery steps and into the parking lot. Nick was outside of the car, leaning against the drivers side door.

"Sorry," Olivia said as she opened the passenger door, and climbed in. Nick got back in and started the engine, backing out of the parking space.

Olivia opened the flaps on the box, and peeled them apart. Reaching in, she grabbed a doughnut and lifted it out.

"That was your emergency?" Nick asked from beside her.

Olivia didn't answer, choosing to take her first bite instead. Olivia let out a soft moan as she chewed, loving the way the sweetness of the chocolate covered pastry overwhelmed her taste buds.

"I thought you didn't care for doughnuts?" Nick questioned, his eyes leaving the road for a moment.

"I don't," she responded, taking another large bite.

She looked over at him and had to force back her smile as he gave her a confused look.

"These are simply amazing," Olivia explained.

Finishing her doughnut, she reached in the box for another one, and offered it to Nick.

"Try it."

Nick's hands were occupied on the steering wheel, so instead of taking it from her, he leaned down and opened his mouth. Olivia tried not to think about the situation too much as she fed him a bite.

Nick put his eyes back on the road, and nodded his head, still chewing.

"You're right. They are amazing."

Olivia nodded and looked out the window, trying to take her mind off the man beside her.

* * *

Her eyes watched the ceiling fan spin.

Olivia loved the simplicity of the action, the wooden boards swung in the same pattern over and over, never changing. Her life was the exact opposite.

She shifted her body so she was lying flat on her back, pulling her pillow under her head.

Her hands came up and rested on her stomach, trying to feel for differences. Bra size excluded, her body was still the same as it had been a month ago. She was grateful that her stomach was still the same size, it meant she had more time to figure everything out. She wasn't stupid, she knew that eventually her body would begin to change. Her stomach would start to grow, and then there would be no hiding the fact that she was pregnant from anyone. Nick especially.

Nick was a smart man, he would put the pieces together. They'd had unprotected sex, and now she was pregnant. Olivia would be worried if he _didn't_ jump to conclusions.

She had thought about transferring out, going back to Computer Crimes where they would welcome her with open arms. Running away would certainly be easier than answering all those questions from the squad. But this job had been her life for fourteen years. She didn't know how to do anything else anymore, this was what she was good at. She liked getting up every morning, knowing that she could help somebody pull through.

_You'll be miserable anywhere else,_ Olivia thought.

If she was going to stay, she would have to find a way to work with Nick. He was a good partner, and she respected him too much to request a sudden partner switch. That is if he didn't request one first, she hadn't exactly been treating Nick in the best way. She couldn't even force herself to look at the man anymore.

She knew that her lack of communication bothered Nick, he was confused and hurt. She wanted to tell him that he'd done nothing wrong, that it was all on her, but she _couldn't_.

Closing her eyes, Olivia felt the wet little drops falling from her closed lashes, and onto her cheeks.


End file.
